Not good enough: shame, self-criticism, and the boy

“Not good enough” is rarely a thought. It is a drop. The gaze goes down, the chest falls in, the voice gets smaller or, the other way, hard, so nobody sees the drop. Self-criticism feels like responsibility. Often it is shame in work mode.

With it comes shame about decisions you cannot take back. The hunger for praise. The difficulty of saying your own view when it disappoints someone. And the place where you still hand responsibility for your life to someone else, to a partner, to the work, to the next teacher.

Responsibility without self-hate

Real responsibility is warm. It says: I did that, and I can stand differently today. Self-hate says: I did that, so I am wrong. The second sentence changes nothing. It only repeats the punishment the boy already knows.

In the session we do not chase the voice away with a better sentence. We feel where it sits in the body, and let the man arrive there. Self-acceptance is then not an affirmation poster. It is the moment you feel a weakness and do not immediately leave the room.

If this is your theme, it often belongs with functioning instead of feeling. And with the question of whether you stay with yourself in closeness: presence instead of pleasing.