Healing the inner child as a man: meeting the boy in the body

Healing the inner child as a man does not mean talking about childhood without end. It means meeting the boy who still reacts in your body: in a tight throat, a hard belly, in pulling away fast. When he is seen, the grown man no longer has to hide him.

I am Alex Wirthl, a therapist for somatic men's work in Aljezur on the Algarve, Portugal. In my work I often see the same thing. Men understand their story. The body has still not let it go.

What is the inner child in men?

The inner child is not an esoteric picture. It is the sum of what you learned as a boy in order to stay safe. Don't cry. Don't be a bother. Be strong. Function.

Those rules were wise at the time. Today they keep running without you choosing them. Many childhood wounds in men do not show up as memory. They show up as a reaction.

How do you notice that your inner child is hurt?

A few signs I often see in men:

• Criticism hits deeper than you want to show.
• You pull away when closeness grows.
• You get loud, even though what you actually feel is fear.
• You do a lot and still feel that it is not enough.
• Your body stays tense even when nothing is happening.

That is not a character flaw. That is a nervous system still working for the boy.

Why is understanding not enough to heal the inner child?

You can know that your father was cold or your mother was too much. You can know how siblings fought for space. The knowledge sits in the head. The wound sits deeper.

The boy did not learn in sentences. He learned in tension, breath and posture. That is why healing needs the body. When you learn to regulate the nervous system, the boy gets something he did not have then: an adult who stays.

How does a man heal his inner child in the body?

In a somatic session we go slower than the explanation. You bring a theme. We look at where it sits in the body. We stay there, without trying to make it go away.

Often something old then comes up. A sadness. An anger. A trembling. You do not have to interpret it. You may feel it while I am there. That is the moment the boy learns that feeling is not dangerous.

The ancestral lineage belongs here too. What your father and your mother could not feel, they often passed on. Sometimes you carry more than your own story.

What part does a men's circle play?

Alone, a lot of it stays in the head. In a men's circle men speak from themselves, without advice and without judgement. For the inner child that is new: other men see you, and nobody laughs.

Somatic men's work therefore happens in three places. In one-to-one work, in the circle, and in an Intensive, where several days give room to what has no place in daily life.

Common questions

Can a man really heal his inner child?

Yes, but not through a thought. Healing means the body has new experiences: feeling is held, not punished. Over time you react less from the old fear.

How long does inner child work take?

It varies. Many men feel more calm after a few sessions. Deeper patterns need weeks or months, and a setting that stays.

Do I need therapy for this?

Not necessarily. Somatic men's work does not replace clinical treatment. For many men it is the place where understanding finally arrives in the body.

Do I have to remember my childhood?

No. The body remembers even without pictures. We work with what can be felt today.

The next step

If you noticed something in you react while reading, take that seriously. Book a free 30 minute conversation. We'll see whether one-to-one work, the men's circle or an Intensive fits right now.